Cartman tells his friends about the odd dream he had of aliens abducting him and inserting things into his ass. Stan and Kyle try to convince him that the "dream" really happened, but Cartman blows it off as an attempt to mess with his mind.

Cartman has won an essay contest, but Wendy suspects something amiss. Meanwhile, it is announced that Kathie Lee Gifford is to present the trophy so Cartman decides to shape up by taking Weight Gain 4000 pills. However, the pills are causing Cartman to grow fatter, not stronger.

The boys go hunting with Stan's Uncle Jimbo and his Vietnam vet friend Ned. Meanwhile, a local geologist discovers a volcano about to erupt and Mayor McDaniels exploits the opportunity to put South Park on TV.

When Stan finds out that his dog is gay, he seeks advice whether or not this is a good thing. Meanwhile, Jimbo and Ned attempt to sabotage a football game against a rival elementary school.

The boys try to breed an elephant with a pig as a genetic engineering experiment. Meanwhile, Stan struggles with his abusive sister, Shelley.

Stan's grandfather, now 102 years old, harasses his grandson into assisting him with suicide. Meanwhile, Mrs. Broflovski leads the parents into protesting the crude humor of a popular cartoon show.

Kenny is killed by the Mir space station, and becomes a zombie. Meanwhile, Stan, Kyle, and Cartman must find a way to stop what is believed to be pinkeye from destroying Halloween.

The boys befriend a boy from Ethiopia, Starvin' Marvin, sent to them by Sally Struthers while mutant turkeys attack the town and the mayor sets up a canned food drive for Kenny's family.

Mrs. Brofloski protests the school's Christmas play. When Kyle says he knows a talking piece of excrement named Mr. Hankey, no one believes him, and he is locked up in a mental hospital.

When Damien, the son of Satan comes to South Park, he and his father announce that the final battle with Jesus to determine good and evil is to be fought in a boxing match. Cartman is livid to discover that the bout clashes with his birthday party.

Mr. Garrison gets a nose job and quits teaching to be a model. Meanwhile, Stan has a crush on the substitute teacher, leading Wendy to threaten her to stay away from Stan.

The boys find an artifact which Barbra Streisand uses to transform herself into a giant monster and wreck the town.

Cartman tries to find out who his father is after his mom announces that she had sex with a lot of men at the Drunken Barn Dance. This episode is part one of a two-part special, while part two is "Cartman's Mom Is Still a Dirty Slut".